2am Diabetes Rant 03/01/20

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I am currently trying to get healthy. I realized that my ass has grown to be twice the size of my waist and that I sit most of the day at work. I haven’t been working out consistently for at least 6 months. None of that matters but the point of this entry is that I am trying to get healthy and I have been working out and my doctor has me on long acting insulin. Needless to say I am struggling a bit with low bloods and that has required me to eat twice the calories that I burn at the gym at late hours of the night. I am currently up at 2am watching Netflix, feeling low (hypoglycemic), and have shoved about as many things as I could get my hands on into my mouth. I ate dinner at 9pm after the gym. I don’t know what to do.This has happened almost all week. I am afraid to go to sleep some nights. Afraid that I will be too low and not be able to get up. I am high during the daytime when I really want to eat, and I am low at night when I shouldn’t be eating. What to do? The long acting insulin makes it difficult to adjust things. It also causes almost instantaneous weight gain. 

This is a night where I feel somewhat sorry for myself. I want to lose weight and tone up, but my body is fighting me as usual. It’s almost like it’s trying to kill itself, like it wants to be sick and dying so that it can all be over. I feel sorry because I know I need sleep but can’t sleep because of the lows. I know that I need to lose weight but the insulin I need to survive causes weight gain. I am going to the gym, but the activity is causing more lows which cause more sleeplessness which causes more stress, which causes even worse daytime blood sugars……. Which requires more of the weight gaining insulin….. It’s a vicious cycle Diabetes. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Incase you were wondering. 

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